a need trapped inside

i am in bed and i should sleep,

but i am thinking about this girl i was with.

i have her picture on my wall.

it's her body only - no face, no head.

just her chest, breasts, neck, arms.

dressed in a tank top. seeing her muscles, her skin, her well shaped tits.

she gave that picture to me.

she wrapped a present in it. using the printed portrait as wrapping paper.

there is other memorabilia of her in my room.

a postcard she sent to me recently. i took the picture. a photo of her.

she made a postcard out of it. selling it at local bookstores.

local! that's 500km away from me.

the place of the beginning of the end.

we used to live in the same city.

we knew each other for about a month.

the first time i saw her - i thought she was cute, interesting to look at.

and i felt like she was checking us out. me and my skateboard friend.

i met her a week later again and i still thought, she looks pretty good,

with her short, wild curly, blonde her.

i love curly hair. all my boy and girl friends had have curly hair.

she was dressed rather sporty and i noticed her hips are not very 'feminine'.

she barely has hips. like hips hips. she's got rather male hips.

and she's got those amazing tits, i always had to stare at. like C-cups and very well shaped.

and a friendly open face, but a little shy look in her eyes.

she was easy to talk to. but i felt that she was kind of sceptic about me.

anyway.

i felt emidiately, i like her a lot. i just loved her look, without actually knowing her,

i knew i wanted her.

after we spent 3 days on a camp with loads of other people we met again - a week later.

we went for climbing.

and i wasn't sure, wether this was a date or not.

i wanted to ask her, to meet for climbing, but she did first.

and i was so excited about it.

i had no clue about climbing and i felt a little dumb, since she had to teach me all the techniques.

afterwards we went for a beer in the park.

we talked and talked and i felt very calm.

mostly i am nervous about new people and i have problems to talk to them as soon as we are alone.

but with her - i could talk. just talk. without any problems.

i think, the next time we met, was after i had an excident.

i broke my arm, but i was helping out at a benefit show anyway. she came too.

we spent quite some time talking and i wanted to stay and kiss her.

but i was in pain and went home instead, trying to sleep, but it didnt' work.

i went to hospital instead. that's where i spent my next 5 days.

to get my arm fixed. fixed with titanic screws.

she came to visit. but my brother was there, just the same time.

so we didn't have the chance for a more intimit talk.

but we met just the day i left hospital.

she came to doctor with me. she did all this really boring shit with me.

and i thought, well - she must be excited about me too.

there is no other chance.

but she seems to be so shy. that made me being really shy too.

i got really scared, i was not able to act on her.

it was clear i liked her and it was clear she liked me too.

but we didn't act on it.

later it turned out, she was with someone else.

some girl i knew and liked.

i didn't expect that at all.

she said, it was really great to spent time with me, and that we got pretty close.

and if i wasn't that shy, well.---

i was totally surprised by the fact she was with that other girl.

that ment, even if i was about to act now, i could't.

it wasn't only me being shy and her being shy.

it was her being with someone else.

she actually was not shy at all.

that day, when we parted, she didn't let me go.

we usually had a quick hug for goodbye. but this time, she kept holding me.

she took my hand. sighing. not knowing how to go on.

i wanted to kiss her. but i couldn't. she was with someone.

we had a talk about polyamory before, when i didn't know, she had a girlfriend.

and i am kind of fine with it. depending on the way you live it and on the people being involved.

that day - we asured that we like each other. but there was a border between us.

everything was so exciting.

i had a huge crush on her and could't act on it.

it was tragic before it even began.

baby, come dance with me.

broke my hand.

can't properly wank.

met a girl i like.

we didn't make out yet.

she is shy -

that makes me being shy too.

and knowing that i have to fuck her with my left hand

doesn't make it easier to get started.

last night a guy thanked me for dancing.

he said, it was such a pleasure to watch me dance.

that i did the right moves at the right time.

and that's why he didn't lose all his faith in the 80ies yet.

languages i don't understand

one day before new years eve.

a friend of mine organized a big party at a rather new queer indie club.

he did a perfomance.

me and two other girls dancing in the background

and singing in a language we don't understand.

some guy - hailed from that country - joined for some part of the song, too.

he was that kind of a tanned, muscled bloke, wearing nice shirts.

he payed too much attention to me.

although i have been looking pretty butchy that day.

i liked his dark skin and his trained body.

i took him home.

he payed the taxi.

i haven't kissed him at the club.

at my place i had to realize

his kissing abilities sucked.

i was upset.

as far as i can tell - girls always kiss better than boys.

but he was outrageously bad.

it was like a trapped animal inside my mouth, trying to find a way out,

but getting in deeper and deeper, not finding the right way.

he made a lot of compliments.

i didn't make one.

we fucked. short and simple.

nice but nothing special.

i didn't feel like keeping on fucking,

still upset by his fast and forcing way to kiss.

i gave him a blow job to finish.

he came right away.

not having a dick in my mouth for about two years,

i was surprised my skills didn't vanish,

although i knew i used to do that perfectly well.

he fell asleep.

i stood awake.

i woke him up and told him, he needs to leave.

he said okay and left.

ps:

a friend of mine (Jenny)* met a girl at the restroom.

that girl told her, how much she enjoyed the show

and that she liked especially Jennie's performance.

then she told Jenny, that she got her pussy and ass waxed that day.

she did show Jenny her freshly plucked chicken pussy.

jenny said: well - nice.

*all names changed

vaginal conditions

my vagina is itchy.

i have an infection.

my last one is about 9 months ago.

i got it when we've been living at our friends place.

the apartment consisted of just one big room.

our friend left in the morning.

i wanted to go to work too.

but she made me stay.

she said, we need to give you an orgasm before you go to work.

i didn't come when we had sex for the last time - about an hour earlier.

we had plenty of sex back then.

i said, i needed to go to work.

but she started kissing me intensely.

opening my pants and slipping her hand inside my underwear.

she asked where my dildo is.

she went to get it.

a big colourful cock.

i went over to the sofa and took off my clothes.

she put a condom on the vinyl dick and handed it over to me.

she started undressing.

i slowly pushed the plastic penis inside myself.

watching her.

i started bleeding a bit. i didn't use a dildo for a long time and didn't see any guys either.

she came over, leaning over me and taking the dildo, fucking me lying on my back.

we both didn't mind the blood.

she was so wet, she's been literally dripping on me.

i stuck my finger inside her vagina.

but i couldn't concentrate on fucking her.

i was getting too horny.

i turned over and let her fuck me from the back.

hard and fast.

helping myself with rubbing my clit.

i orgasmed - long and strong, not minding moaning to loud.

our friend came home - just while we got dressed again.

i used a tampon to stop the bleeding.

one day later my vagina started itching.

i tried to treat it with yogurt, a tip a friend gave me.

it`s a pretty crappy tip - it didn't work at all.

i had to see a doctor.

nice to meet you

we didn't see each other for several years.

we used to hang out at the same youth club.

i met her at a concert.

we were a group of people going to her place afterwards.

we drank and talked and i didn't like the way she talked.

two friends left.

two friends stayed.

and me and her.

we went to bed.

two friends up on the bunkbed.

me and her down on the bunkbed.

we started kissing. she was cute.

i was surprised how tight and small her tits were.

i liked her tits.

she had some boring ugly underpants on. she wasn't shaved.

she said, we shouldn't go on. the other two could hear us.

i said, they are drunk. they sleep.

i kept on kissing her. i rubbed her clit and let my fingers slip inside her vagina.

wet and warm.

she moaned and said, we can't do this. they can hear us.

i said, it doesn't matter. they would like it.

i kept on moving my fingers inside her.

moaning.

she took off her underpants.

she quit saying we should stop.

we went on.

the performance artist

the performer had an umbrella.

and the umbrella was surrounded by a transparent curtain.

she was under there and you could enter her little transparent room.

so i did.

it felt very cosy and private, even though everyone could see through.

a tall woman with a very feminine body shape in her mid 30ies.

she was naked, only some strings wrapped around her body.

she looked me in the eyes and without words she made clear what i was supposed to do.

she took my hand and gave me the umbrella to hold.

then she took my other hand and placed it on her body.

she lead my hand all over her legs, hips and belly. where ever she wanted me to touch her

she began dancing close to me, still leading my hand.

i guess, i could haved touched her more intimately, if i wanted to and if i would have taken over charge. but i decided to let her lead.

i liked the way she took control.

still everybody from the outside could see what we were doing in there.

she gave me a long kiss. just a bit of her toungue touching mine.

she ripped something off of the strings.

at first i couldn't see what it was. but i saw that it was the last one of this.

it turned out to be a photo of her asshole.

i keep it in my diary.